My October Horror Movie Staples
Every year, my countdown to Halloween begins earlier and earlier. To set the mood, there are some movies you just have to watch or the season just doesn’t hit the same. I thought for this October's Friday the 13th, I'd list 13 of the movies I gotta watch each autumn to set the stage for Halloween, just the way I like it. 🍂🎃
Narrowing this list down was a herculean effort and the gems on the cutting floor will haunt me for the rest of my days, but I had to showcase my dubious taste in media somehow, so I'll talk about Van Helsing another day. (Richard Roxburgh you are my everything) My ramblings and vague descriptions of movies I’ve seen 200 times could be a weekly installment that no one asked for 😅
In each spotlight I’ve given a little rundown of the plot for anyone completely unfamiliar, but I’ve tried not to be too spoiler-y for anyone who’s interest is piqued! You’ve been warned😈
Reader beware, you’re in for moderate to severe spoilers for movies mostly from 1985!
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
This is the only version of Dracula that matters! Argue with a brick wall about it!
Francis Ford Coppola, you pervert, may you always get your flowers. The casting, scenery, soundtrack... all perfect. But everything pales in comparison to the practical effects used throughout this film to showcase the pure weirdness of Dracula. The shifting sets and camera tricks immerse you in the strange dreamlike trance that befalls those in Dracula's path. Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Tom Waits, Sadie Frost, Keanu Reeves, Anthony Hopkins... every performance in this movie is captivating. Monica Belluci, I'm free tonight at 8 if you want to hang out tonight at 8 I'm free at 8 tonight give me a call around 8 if you wanna hang, I'm free
Re-Animator (1985)
Based on a story by H.P. Lovcraft, Re-Animator follows a medical student Herbert West (portrayed by Jeffrey Combs) on his scientific journey to create a reanimating agent- to bring the dead back to life. He enrolls in Miskatonic University where he rents a room from fellow student Dan Cain (played by Bruce Abbott). He converts the basement into a lab, reanimates Dan's cat (RIP Rufus), and recruits him in his studies. The web tangles further, involving the university's dean Dr. Halsey, his daughter & Dan's girlfriend Megan (Barbara Crampton), and Halsey's colleague at the school, Dr. Hill. We see West and Hill head to head throughout the film, and see just how many times you can reanimate the same bag of meat.
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
My favorite zombie flick of all time - Return of the Living Dead! The pinnacle of punk horror comedy, influential to this day to zombie lore, and yet another film with a glorious soundtrack. Two medical supply warehouse employees unwittingly release a toxic gas lost by the military that triggers the reanimation of every dead thing in the building, including the body inside the drum (i was always rooting for him). In their attempts to cover their tracks and put the undead genie back in the bottle, they along with their boss, a mortician, and a gang of teenage punks instead cause the spread of the agent via toxic rain and reanimate an entire cemetery. Burt, the warehouse owner, manages to make his way back to the drum and call the military number on the side. The day is saved! There are four sequels.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1985)
I admit, I'm not a huge fan of the Halloween series. Slashers have always been hit or miss for me, and Michael Myers is consistently missing. Which is probably why Halloween III, with nary a connection to the rest of the Halloween Franchise Universe (HFU), can even make this list. The plot follows an emergency room doctor as he is entangled in a cartoonish mass murder plot that involves rubber masks, a Stonehenge battery, and androids. A classic story cautioning the dangers of advertising and trusting strangers.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
Listen, when a movie starts with a giant vial of fluorescent green slime that is so obviously evil... you know you're in for a great hour and 42 minutes. John Carpenter wrote and directed this movie that I genuinely can't stop talking to people about. A priest invites a quantum physics professor and thirteen of his students to have a sleepover in the basement of a monastery to watch the slime and attempt to decipher its origins. Spoilers, but the slime is Satan, Jesus was an alien, we're all having the same dream, and everyone here is about to have a terrible time. Satan ensues. Alice Cooper is there!
Unofficially part of this list are The Thing (1982) and In the Mouth of Madness (1994). Carpenter’s Apocalypse Trilogy is a Halloween must have. IYKYK.
They Live (1988)
This whole movie is a mindfuck born from John Carpenter's (I promise this is the last time I mention him) dissatisfaction with Regrettable Reagan and his questionable policies. Talk about relatable content!
Based on the short story "Eight O'Clock in the Morning" by Ray Nelson, the plot follows a drifter played by Thee Roddy Piper who discovers via rebel sunglasses that the ruling class of 1980s LA (and beyond) are humanoid aliens that herd humanity like cattle. It's hilariously difficult, but he gains the aid of a coworker, Frank (portrayed by Keith David). They fall further down the rabbit hole, discovering that Earth is being terraformed for the invading species' comfort and they're humanity's only hope to learn the truth. Bubblegum is chewed, asses are kicked. I owe Rowdy Roddy Piper my life, and so do you.
Hausu (1977)
Do you wanna have a weird time? Watch Hausu. This weird ass movie from Toho Studios follows a schoolgirl called Gorgeous, who travels with her six friends (Prof, Melody, Sweet, Fantasy, Kung Fu, and Mac) to visit her aunt's home for the summer. They arrive and almost immediately, supernatural events in the house begin to pick the girls off one by one, attacking them in cartoonish and horrific ways. There really is no way to explain this movie, but if you like bizarre horror, cheesy effects, and demented fever dreams from the mind of preteens, you'll love experiencing this movie.
The Monster Squad (1987)
A club of preteen monster fanatics end up with Van Helsing's diary. Translating it with the help of the nearest German, they find that they're just in time to hunt down an ancient amulet to stop the forces of evil from taking over the world. Easy! Except that Dracula is coming to town to assemble his own Monster Squad, complicating things immensely. Squad v Squad they face off to obtain the amulet and gain power- to save or lose the world. The costumes in this film for the monsters are incredible- the Gillman suit design stealing the show especially. The ultimate kids v monsters movie that yes, has a stellar soundtrack too. Rock until you drop, freaks!
Army of Darkness (1992)
Third in the Evil Dead series, Army of Darkness follows Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell, obviously) as he's transported from a haunted cabin to the Middle Ages, where he must find the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis to go home again (of course he does). In his retrieval of the book, Ash is, well, Ash, and fucks it up for everyone by not enunciating properly and splitting into two versions. His evil counterpart rounds an army of Deadites, and Ash is left to lead the outnumbered humans from Lord Arthur's castle into battle to save a girl and restore peace. This movie is a lot.
Treehouse of Horror (1990-)
34 episoides of tv can be a movie if you believe hard enough. I'm a huge Simpsons fan and of course Treehouse of Horror is the cream of the crop for me. I've been told that perhaps a breakdown of all 34 episodes is a bit much, so I'll settle for highlighting some of my favorites.
🎃 IV - Bart's Night Gallery is my favorite of the ToH openings. Homer selling his soul to Devil Ned Flanders and the Simpson's riff on Bram Stoker's Dracula will keep this in my top 5 forever. Project this episode onto my gravestone when I’m gone.
🎃 XIV - Homer Simpson's run as Death, Professor Frink turning out to have a hot dad, and a Twilight Zone spoof as a strong finisher. "A Kind of a Stopwatch" was the episode of the Twilight Zone Radio Drama I heard most often growing up and it's held a special place in the "I like this but irl this would be terrifying" part of my brain that I love the Simpsons for cartoonizing.
🎃 XIX - Imagine if your vote as an american didn't make a lick of difference? What a scary thought! Thank goodness it's just a funny joke in a cartoon. Now let's all go out for some pumpkin carols! The Linusification of Milhouse was almost too easy.
The Crow (1994)
The annual Devil's Night viewing of The Crow is a religious event. Every year for I actually can't tell you how long, October 30th has ended with a warm drink, Brandon Lee, and a soundtrack that brings me to my knees every time. A cult classic for no end of good reasons, the plot starts with a glimpse into the tragic events of last October 30th, detailing the attack and murders of musician Eric Draven (portrayed by Brandon Lee) and his fiancé Shelly Webster (portrayed by Sofia Shinas). One year later, Eric is resurrected by a crow and rises from his grave to seek revenge for the death of his love and the life they were supposed to have lived together. One by one, he hunts the members of the gang that attacked them, finally working his way to the crime boss, Top Dollar (Portrayed by Michael Wincott) and confronting him directly. This film is 102 minutes drenched in gothic fantasy perfection, gripping you with its striking visuals and soundtrack.
Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)
The best flick from the best era of Scooby-Doo, Zombie Island is a 00's kid staple and is a movie I could probably close my eyes and recite word for word. Mystery Inc. is all grown up and scattered to the wind, and are reunited by Fred to celebrate Daphne's birthday and to look for real ghosts for her television series. They head to Louisiana, where they are invited to a "real haunted house". They travel to Moonscar Island, where they expect largely to find more of the same- a scam or scheme masquerading as a spiritual presence. Little do they know, they find zombies, werecats, voodo rituals, the fucking works. Skycycle is the real star of this show, bringing us two immortal pieces of music. Go listen to “The Ghost is Here” and "It's Terror Time Again" right now, you know you want to.
THIR13EN GHOSTS (2001)
Tony Shalhoub! Matthew Lillard! Glass house! Ghost hunting! This may not be a good movie, but it is a good time, and the production value is stellar. Sometimes, being pretty is enough!
We join Arthur (Shalhoub) as he inherits his late ghost hunting uncle's estate and moves in with his two children. He's met by his uncle’s psychic assistant, Dennis (Lillard). Together they find that the house is a prison for Uncle Cyrus and the ghosts from his past. They're trapped inside the mansion stuck navigating their way through a glass maze filled with deadly traps, angry ghosts, and the mystery that Cyrus left behind.
